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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Diary Of A Changed Dad

Copied & edited.
I got home on this particular evening last week now more aware than I used to be and get welcomed by my lovely kids and sweet wife.

However, there was an issue. As I took my bag into the room, my wife let me in on the issue.

Wifey: Sweetheart, Buyyee doesn't want to do his homework.
Me: Hey Buyyee, where are you?

(Buyyee - my 4-yr old son, steps into my room)

"Why don't you want to do your homework?" I ask him with a smile on my face.
He ignores my smile at the sound of "homework" and grumpily looks down making some annoying grunting sounds.
So I try again, seeing if dialogue will work,

"Ok Buyyee, would you like to play game on my phone?", he nods "Yes"

Feeling encouraged, I continued "Good, so go and do your homework an then you can come and play game on my phone".
Again, he bends his head and starts making those grunting sounds without moving an inch.
My frustration starts to grow but I hold it down and masking my reddening face (which isn't obvious because of my black, i try yet again.

"Look up there in my wardrobe Buyyee, I've got some Tom-tom, would you like one?" again, he nods "Yes".

So I continue "Go to your table and do your home work and you can come and have some". (Grunting resumes with head bowed down)

By this time I have had it. I wasn't taking any more of this.

I switched to my 'commander-in-chief' voice.

"Hey, Chief come on go and do your assignment NOW!" at the change of my tone, he looks up and moves out dragging his feet, head bowed and grunting continues.

He goes to his table and sits down visibly unhappy and grunting, fiddling with his home work book open on the table.

Wifey goes out of the bedroom to the kitchen and sees that he has left his table and was playing in the living room. She smacks him twice on the back and 'orders' him back to his table. Just as before he grumpily goes back to his table to sit, grunting with a hung head all the way.

While in the room, it suddenly hits me,

"Why do I want Buyyee to do his home work?", I ask myself for the first time in my life.

I honestly reply myself "So, that his teachers will not see his parents as irresponsible".

So the real reason I want him to do his home work is not because of him but because of my Wife and I. The awareness was strong and deep.

I immediately stood up from my bed and went straight to the living room.

"Buyyee", I said "leave the home work for now and come and play with me".

His face lightened up and he immediately left his table and came to play with me.

By this time, Wifey had left the kitchen and we sat together in the living room watching TV. Then, something amazing happened.

Buyyee played with us for about 2-3 mins and silently went by himself to his table and sat down to do his homework.

I nudged my wife beside me on the sofa and gesturing to her to keep quiet pointed in the direction of our son who was doing his home work enthusiastically all by himself.

I bent slightly towards her and whispered in her ear "Did you ask him to go do his home work?" she shook her head strongly whispered "No" back at me.

We both ignored him knowingly and kept watching TV with happy smiles on our faces.

As soon as he was done with his home work, he picked up his book and grinning from ear to ear came to show us his parents his homework.

"Dad, I've finished my home work", he said with pride.

I looked it over and discovered that he had done his home work perfectly without assistance. He had not made a single mistake. I immediately had goose bumps all over my body. This kind of home work would have required assistance ordinarily from Wifey or myself.

I showed her the home work smiling. We were both excited.

As soon as we saw things from our son's perspective and refrained from forcing him to do something for our own benefit, he shows his appreciation of that act by going ahead on his own to do the home work and do it perfectly.

He had been trying to tell us this:

"Mum and Dad, I can do my home work but I'm not in the right frame of mind to do it yet. As soon as I get into a resourceful state, I will do it and do it well.

But we hadn't been listening.

Now, Buyyee is in charge of his home work and he does them extremely well.

As a parent, where is it that you have been trying to force your will on your kids, ignoring what they are trying to say to you. Are you really listening to what they are not saying?

Are your actions truly for them or for you?

Are you destroying your relationship with your family members because your way must be the way, the only way?

Are you treating your colleagues, superiors, subordinates, friends, neighbours like that?

Are you even treating God like that?

Next time you have a situation with your kids, pause and observe.

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